Its my life, its my book,its my Diary.
I will express my feelings and thoughts, my daily ramblings and fears...
Life is never easy. Don't give up because its just the weight of the world.
Smile lots... ^^
Heads up...
Hey Diary,
If you are still here, thanks for viewing my blog :) Its been ages since my last update if you are wondering where I have been. :P Life's been so interesting nowadays. Since its been such a long time since I last updated, lets just start on something fresh. :) My new term starts next week. With the new timetable which suck big time, I think I am so not gonna get use to it. Still remembered my last term when my timetable is only Mon, Tues and Wed. Oh well, lifes goes on :) Anyway, going out to those who still view my blog, thanks yo :) This blog don't really exist anymore actually. Just today I almost teared when thinking of how christ died for us. Those wounds on his head, back, hands, legs, feet. And here we are, not doing anything to praise him. Who in the world can ever suffer such great pain but our Lord Jesus Chirst himself.
Thank you :)
- and I continue to think. [12:49 AM]
Dearest Diary,
Here because 'someone' ask me to return some questions. (You should know who you are)
Here goes:
1. If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?
Lost.
2.If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
To be able to go Heaven together with my love ones (Family, Friends etc. )with the Lord's permission.
3.What will your dream wedding to be like?
Haven't think of it yet.
4.Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
Yes. Definetly. It all lies in the will of God. Still trying to find out. haha
5.What's your ideal lover like?
Difficult to explain la this type of things.
6.do you have a person that you wish you will be with now?
Yes.
7.which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Both.
8.How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
A long time. Very long time.
9.if the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?
Still like her. ^^
10.is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?
Yup. Tell me, who doesn't have problems?
11.is being tagged fun?
Not really. Not sure. First time doing it :)
13.how do you see yourself in ten years time?
That will be 2018, I let you know than?
14.who are currently most important people to you?
So many people. Firstly, God. Than Adele, my family, choir friends, my bestie(Phyllicia), jasmine(You know which one you are)... and many more.
15.what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Her name is Angelic Girl, don't be so rude ok? Call her 'person' all... Shes' nice la. She stood by me whenever I am down.
16.would you rather to be single and rich or married but poor?
What can richness give when when you can't share it with your loved ones? Unless you one night stand lo. But not me.... you Boto...
17.what's the first thing you do every morning?
Think of God, than my loved ones
18.would you give all in a relationship?
Yes. Of course. whoever doesn't is an ass :)
19.if you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
Right now, still one le. Won't la. Why you ask so many questions? Are you done?
20.what type of friends do you like?
I have the BEST. What more can I ask for? because its given by God.
21.if given the chance to turn back time, will you?
Um, I ever thought of it. But maybe if time was turned back, things would get worser? No, won't go back :)
22.what is the last thing you would do before you die
I would call my loved ones and tell them how much I love them. And if given abit more time to live, I would do a video for each one of them :)
Thats all folks... By the way, did you realize the question number 12 was missed out? haha. Got you! hahaAnd er.. Haven't been updating because am busy.
Smiley :)
- and I continue to think. [11:01 PM]
Thanks for everything :)
God did answer my prayer :)
- and I continue to think. [11:22 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Hey hey hey :) Hows it going? Things have been fine for me recently, not much happened. Normal days with its normal routines. Anyway, Will be cantoring this coming Wednesday for 'Acension' at 8pm in church. Still practising some of this notes though, scare as usual :) Studies in school is abit slack now as theres only one module this term. This is because I did quite well in the previous modules and got exempted from a few new Modules. So this only Module that I am taking is call engineering maths. Omg, you should see the equations and all. Can die la. So 'chimalogy' whatever you call it. So difficult to understand la. :P
May God help me through the up coming topics. Sooooo... tough. Its not stressful or what, its just difficult to understand all that know what I mean? Maybe life isn't all about studying. Oh ya, my
Aunt told me this just the other day.
Auntie: " Melvin, maybe you should seek first the kingdom of God before anything else because without the Lord, anything else is dead".
Melvin: " Guess ya right Auntie. I guess studies and work are just stepping stones? But than, life still tough le".
Auntie: Hahahaha... :)
Recently, I've been missing my Grandma. Even though I visit her almost every Friday. But, I am feeling very 'Miss her' alot kind of feeling. Come to think of it. I still remember those days my Grandma brought me up when I was young. As I was growing up, she cared and took care of me. I didn't really appreciate what she did for me guess cos I was still young? Those were the days, my Grandma walked me to the bus-stop to take the school-bus. Those days she bought me sweets. Those days she walked me to the tuition center and back home. Oh man... I love my Grandma :)
Love ya Grandma :)
- and I continue to think. [11:14 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Hmm... you know?
Grow up Please....
- and I continue to think. [9:16 PM]
Dearest Diary,hey yo... Hows it going? 've been alright if you were to ask me how I have been. :) School just started already. Well, back in ITE doing HigherNitec in Electronics and +++ watever.. Our clique had been reduced to like 4 of us when normally its the 10 of us. The feeling suck actually. Two of them went to Poly and I am really happy for them. Some went into army and about three other went into another ITE school. Oh man, life is really about this right? I have known my ITE friends for like 2 years? Though its just this short two years but its the time that we spent together.. From studying to skipping classes to so many other things. I miss my ITE friends :)I don't think many people really views my blog but I hope God sees it. :) Ok, so foolish to think of that.haha. Anyway, been wondering how my friends have been.. Not been contacting many of my them recently. Oh ya, and thanks Dele... for being there for me all these times. :)And to all my friends who view my blog, I've an idea roughly who but thanks for dropping by all the time. Thanks k?haha..Smiley Smiley :)
Thanks Bestie for this Angel.... Sorry for the late update :)
Dele's hands and my fingers..hahaha.. :)
- and I continue to think. [10:18 PM]
Hey Diary...So, how's it going?hehe... Well, been busy going out with friends and of course with the World Of Warcraft game.... Think I am an addict to it already. Things are still alright at home... Guess pictures would show better than words...
- and I continue to think. [6:18 PM]
Dearest Diary, EASTER is coming! Know what? EASTER is such a grand occasion that its even much much more grand than Christmas.. Anyway, got to go... NIGHT night all. ^^
Hey all... its been awhile as usual. Hmm.... how are things? Well, i should say things are fine? Oh yup, its true... I am going to HigherNitec.. Know that many people are disappointed in me. Don't you think I am disappointed in myself? Of course! Its just that, its such a long story that its very difficult to explain in this post. Hope that all would understand. Been playing my world of warcraft at home most of the days now. Meeting up with Bestie and the others are also frequent. And of course with Dele Dele...
Diary, I was told maybe its a different path to go instead of going to Poly like most Singaporeans would do. Was told to face up to reality and that there was no point in thinking about it and worrying about such things since things are meant to be this way. Finally, I realize something, someone in my life before. My Angelic Girl... Well, guess you've have been reading my posts since the start of my blogging just that you don't wanna tell me right? At least give me a tag?
- and I continue to think. [11:52 PM]
Dearest Diary,Its been awhile. I still remember that day I met you, your eyes, your nose, the feature of your face, it melted my heart, my mind and soul. Never did I think of forgetting you ever again. Still, now, you're here and always by my side. I thank you for that :) So, its the end of the road here? Whats next? ITE? POLY? or the National service? God, I am confused. What am I to do? Life is so difficult to understand each very moment. Nope, I am not gonna forget my ITE friends nor my church friends or anyone that entered my life before. Hopefully when I grow up, or die, I will still remember the memories that was once real. Anyway, until this day, you are still in my dairy, my heart, my mind and soul.You too Lord, are in my heart. Know I falled you many times, the countless times of many things. But, you are there right? I feel it know? Show me a way? thanksP.S. I love you...
- and I continue to think. [11:27 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Hey Diary, back again! :) I've been so so damn tired nowadays because of work. Its not 4 hours or 5 hours, its 8 hours.. And I only have a day off in a week. Well, its my last week already so who cares right?haha Other than that, everythings' fine. Diary, you ever watched the movie call 'Voice'? Its a horror Korean show. To me, its not horror at all, its art and entertaiment. :) I downloaded the movie's soundtrack. In a way it sounds damn haunted with all the effects but to me its too Shiok!haha. Oh man, just abit speechless now so take care Diary... ^^
- and I continue to think. [4:33 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Sometimes its really tough right? With life I mean.... To overcome all the problems and troubles. Some of which can't be solve or would take like a million years to solve? You may ask where is the Lord when you are at the most vulnerable moment, but you did realize maybe you kept too much anger in you that the Lord can't be with you? Maybe you want the Lord to be there for you and you love the Lord but just that you doubt it? Happens to me at times like something in my mind would asked, " Is there really the Lord?" Or " You are too sinful that the Lord can't be near you at all"... Guess these' are the works of the evil one... One things' for sure, the Lord is so real even though we fall and sin at times, we know he will never give up on us...
OR
Sometimes the things we prayed for didn't come my way, or it might go worse than expected, than we would blame the Lord for punishing us and leaving us alone. I guess the Lord just wants to test our faith, to see if we are strong enough. But seriously speaking, we did always come out from that problem right? (Think for a moment) Theres' always like a way out from problems whether the outcome is good or bad. It might come out bad but might be in a good way though? Guess its a puzzle now. ^^
- and I continue to think. [3:05 PM]
Dearest Diary,I received a letter from ITE, it was my grades. Well, I did alright or what people normally say, average... Now, I am waiting for the Os' result so that I can apply an entry to Poly. I pray to God for the entry to be accepted. Even if its not accepted, I will understand for there is another way in life. One has to at least have a diploma or A level to survive. You don't want to collect that little pay for the rest of your life with just an ITE cert right? But whats' there in this life when the real one is the next? Not much matter to me actually except for my friends, family and of course the one up there. ^^ Been working lately and been quite tired. Well, its work thats why... Sometimes it can be so boring when theres' no customers. ~ I still wonder why I fail you Lord. 
~ Pretty Right? ~Hahaha
- and I continue to think. [10:24 AM]
Dearest Diary,
Hey Diary, its been awhile ya? When was the last? Chirtmas? Time passes so fast now its like around the middle of January already. Diary, I am working in Great World City nowadays. Well, its fun in a way because you get to interact with people.
Anyway, does all things matter? Money? Looks? Character? Seriously, it may mean it in this world but if you don't have faith than what's the point right? Its not that I am perfect because I too drift away from faith many times. But to me, if theres' no faith.... theres no peace in mind, heart and soul.
Some people asked me before like " Melvin, whats' the point of having faith? When we still meet up with problems and troubles in the end? If god loves us, he should take away our problems " Well, theres always some questions that can never be answered. In such case, the answer would be " Well, we may face problems and troubles in life but with faith, it gives us peace and the confirmation of God's love for us. Though problems may still be there but does it matter? Because God is all good things in this life and in the other.... My dear, why worry?
- and I continue to think. [9:53 AM]
Hey Diary,
Merry Christmas! Well, in advance... At this time its not Christmas yet cos' Christ havne't born yet!hehe. But for the next few days I won't be able to type in so here I am now. Things around has been ok I guess. These few days, I have enjoying myself actually. Hanging out with friends and baking cake with my brother. Anyways, shes' coming back tomorrow, have to go out with her!haha. Got to go Diary.
Merry Christmas all!
- and I continue to think. [9:14 AM]
Dearest Diary,Hey Diary, how have ya been? Hahaha... Back again after a long time, when was it? 5 Dec? Anyway, what have I been up to you must be wondering? Well... playing World of Warcraft, going out with friends, blasting my computer's speakers and listening to Christmas songs! Feeling the mood that is,haha. Oh, and doing Christmas presents for my friends (Well, making a mess that is)haha. I guess holidays are the best in my life. Wonder if I start working full-time outside next time, guess there won't be so many holiday compare to now. So, heres a picture of the game I have been playing; 
This is my level 53 warlock character and the inferno beside me as my bodyguard!haha Well, thats all folks. ^^Missing you Adele...my sister, winnie...and many others. ^^
- and I continue to think. [10:44 PM]
Dearest Diary,
I still remember that day. Jan 16th 2006. When I stepped into this new school call Simei ITE. And now, December 05 2007. Time passes so fast. At that time I was still wondering when I would graduate from school. But now, I miss the times I spent with my classmates in school. Those stupid moments, funny moments and unforgettable moments. Seriously, we might or might not meet up next time but for sure; we remembered the times we once shared.
~ TODAY marks the day for my last paper and also the start of my holidays. I am happy (of course I should be happy) thats because I can play W0W(World of Warcraft) for all I want! Meet up with friends and of course, get ready the Christmas presents!hehe. Oh, and listening to Christmas songs! Those songs that can melt the hearts. Oh man, Thank you all! ^^ most importantly, the one up there. Thank you Father. ^^
- and I continue to think. [11:11 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Hey Diary.... My last paper is like in two days?haha. Just taking a break now so decided to type one short on here.haha Well, these few days I have been thinking. Like, what will happen to us ten years down the road? Like our careers? Our friends? Would we get married? Would we still be single. Most importantly, do we still remember each other? Thats all part of life right? My friends always say I think alot about the future. Like, haven't even learn how to walk, want to fly.hahaha. Well, I am a thinker.. (Hello)
Been alright these few days. Just keeping myself busy with my (World of Warcraft) and friends. That is something life cannot do without.haha. Ok, back to studies.
Take care all. ^^
~ Still knowing you...
- and I continue to think. [11:54 AM]
Dearest Diary,
Tell me Diary, do you think its all about looks? I guess so right? But that care, love and concern that play the roles in the heart, is important as well right? Seems like questions are always in my mind to keep me busy. Some questions are 'unanswerable', some are stupid. Theres only two more papers for me now. Tomorrow and the 5Th of December. Still, that Christmas mood is in me already. I feel so happy most of the time when the thought of Christmas comes to my mind. Sometimes, life can be really beautiful. But you know, at times its just so..... Disaster. ^^
- and I continue to think. [9:44 PM]
Dearest Diary,
I haven't really put in effort in studying for my coming papers. So, there isn't much I can ask for. Sometimes, its so difficult to keep my faith in top condition. Sometimes, I fall so hard I wished I never did. Well, thats where the learning starts. Quite a number of friends are important to me. And my family is important to me. ( Even though I disobey my parents at times ) I feel hurt when such things happen. But, I don't know how to make things right. And what if one day, I would lose those that are precious to me? Would I regret?
I still remember once last year when I went for confession in the confession room. I don't know who that priest was. But, it was something about that priest that I always think of. Not of his face or anything but words that came out of his mouth. ~ After telling the priest my sins, he told me somethings (I don't quite remember) but, it was this 3 words that I swear my heart almost broke down in pieces. He said " Jesus loves you." My heart froze for a second. It was like as if it came from the one above. (Sounds drama right? But I can't really explain it)Than again, I still fall over and over each time. Most of the time, I feel I am not worthy or even fit to talk to the lord. But one things for sure, He truly loves us.
My greatest reward, our friendship.
- and I continue to think. [10:48 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Is that why I go through all that trouble because of friendship? Is that why things must be done this way? Are there no other ways? Or choice? I guess theres always so much to say when it comes to friendship. Anyway, my tests are bombing on me soon, anytime now. Two tests today and one next week. The final of all is the 5 of December. I am feeling the Christmas mood now actually. Don't really feel the urge for rushing my studies now. Anyways, one test tomorrow. ^^
smile.
- and I continue to think. [10:05 PM]
Dearest Diary,
How do we pull ourselves up again when we fall? Not physically fall but emotionally. Like everyone says, its difficult to pick up and go another round all over again. I failed, too many times; countless they say. I feel like there is no point of return anymore. If it didn't happen that day when I was in secondary one, I could have been saved. Now is a time for courage and strength. I learnt a new lesson today. Never ask for anything in return no matter how much it takes when you care for someone. I have seen friendships or even myself sometimes it goes like this..... "Why must you do this to me? I have done so much for you and this is how you treat me? Realize that if you really care for someone, all you want is for that person to smile and be happy. (If its really care, you will be happy when she/he smiles)
Somehow, i hate those who curse the lord... That makes me a sinner, because I failed the Lord too many times as well.
- and I continue to think. [10:10 PM]
Dearest Diary,(Some of you may not understand what is written in this post)You know Diary, I really prayed hard for my cantor day. Well, I don't want to sing well to please the congregation but only for the Lord. Somehow, I felt the Lord was sitting there today. I knew very well he supported me. I hope I did make him happy, in a way. ^^ ~ Its the first time I am feeling this way in this life so far. Is it real? You know I care alot for you. Come on, its not even a day yet. No matter what, happiness is what I want for you. ~Anyway, Christmas is coming! I kind of have the feeling of Christmas now. How I wish the Lord would come now ^^ So that I don't have to study anymore!haha. Lazy me. ^^ This type of happiness, its hard to describe. ^^.jpg)
~ One that is priceless ~
- and I continue to think. [1:34 AM]
Dearest Diary,
I guess you are right. I am not open to everyone in this life unless I trust you through and through. Partly its because I think alot and taking many things in life seriously. Well, its good to take things seriously, but not everything. When you take things too seriously, everything just has to be straight and done correctly, like a robot. When you think too much, you don't really open up to your loved ones. Scared that you be a burden to them? Its how I am gonna let things go. This time round, I felt a knife stabbed in my heart. ^^
- and I continue to think. [10:55 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Funny isn't it? What about when we grow up? Would we drift? Would the world end just as it says? Would we still see each other when we grow up? I don't know actually but I hope that love and friendship will always be around? I don't know how to face it now. I can't take this distance actually. Maybe I will go all the way... to see you smile. ^^ My bestie. ^^
- and I continue to think. [10:26 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Its been a while since my last post. Everythings' fine now. Not much had happened actually. Just those normal days. With school projects and studies, with friends to be busy with in church and school, nothing can make me think now. In a way, I am grateful for everything in my life now. Just some thoughts that been running in and out of my mind. Well, its always been like that I guess. But whats most important is to be happy. Not the outer side but deep inside my heart. I thank the Lord from the above for everything that he has provided for me and even the little things for me. I shouldn't ask for more. Smile. ^^
- and I continue to think. [10:35 PM]
Dearest Diary,I know my mum cares. But she nags too much? Never mind, maybe my minds' thinking too much. Didn't board the bus today to school. Cos of those red eyes of mine I am not allowed to face the world. I am worried about school work, like the lessons and topics that I would missed? Hell lot... Its best to return to school as soon as possible. Oh Lord, help heal my eyes that I be able to return to school on Wednesday... For now, thats the fastest time. Goodnight Diary....~ Life seems lost without you nowadays. The chats that we normally had over the phone. Well, life is like that after all. Its meant to be like that so I CAN miss you. In a way... ^^ ~
~ Now this plays an important part in my life ~
- and I continue to think. [10:23 PM]
Dearest Diary,I know, life was never easy. Its not gonna be smooth sailing and all. With a knife stab in your back or facing financial problems at home. Life with all those craps and shits. Well, its how you gonna face it. ^^ But somehow, the worries are through no matter what. Though it may come back someday, its certain its gonna drop again. Love ya Jesus. ^^
~Ya, I know it suck ~
- and I continue to think. [9:54 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Listening to the soundtracks from Nativty Story just makes my heart melt. It brings joy you know? Anyways, everyone seems troubled in their own lifes. He is sad, She is troubled, they are full of crap, you are hurt and I am shot. Everyone seems to be facing lots of problems. So, don't think you are facing the worse problems in life. What to say now? Its not the end of the world. Just get over it, its all in the blood. Happinese is not easy to grab, so are you ready for the race? I read this in the bible,
" Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail"
Taught me a big deal Diary... ^^
- and I continue to think. [12:12 AM]
Dearest Diary,
One of the toughest things in life is to forget. To forget about someone... Don't you agree? And before you forget, you have to go through tons and tons of shit. Well, its whether or not you gonna pull through it. Its the pain one has to bear with and to slowly let go. Is my life ok? I don't know. Troubles seem to come knocking on my house all the time. Sometimes I fear, sometimes the anger, sometimes the confusion, sometimes the hurt, sometimes to forget. Isn't it all part of life? *Hold tightly to the lord. ^^
- and I continue to think. [9:39 PM]
Dearest Diary,
~ To my sister, Sharon Mei :
Well, You know sister, somehow I never get to really express my feelings to you before. Well, I know you've friends now and a boyfriend. Sometimes I really thought to myself, like, am I still your brother at all? It seems like no matter what I have done, it didn't really catch your eyes before? Does money really play an important part? Well, you know I don't have that much of money. All that kept me going was just some savings. I don't know, maybe its because I think alot again... But seriously, we really have been so distant. What have I done? Its seems like the more quarrels we get into with each other, the worse it gets. I still love you sister, really.... Well, Happy 15th Birthday. ~
Lord, am I on the right track? Please show me a sign or something. You see, I would even go to that extent that friends would say I am foolish. Like saying, "Melvin, you do so much; what is it that you want in return?". My reply is, nothing. What do I expect? But sometimes its really foolish of me? Than others would ask, "Melvin, why are you still single?". My reply was, "I don't know seriously, why?". Lord, if my plan you gave me is to stay this way, I will obey. Show me a sign? To give is twice is better than taking. True?
- and I continue to think. [10:35 PM]
Dearest Diary,
Its been a year and still counting. I couldn't believe it either. Never mind if you don't understand what I am typing. Most importantly, feelings are to be expressed here. Pulling out from this feeling is way too difficult. It wasn't what I expected in this life-time. You know Diary? You may have done so much but somehow, it doesn't go the way you so want it to be. Rather, it twist and turn and makes you confuse. Other than that, other things starts to bite you in your life. What do you know Diary? You are just my Diary.... The worse thing is you know what? That thinking there is still hope.
- and I continue to think. [9:52 PM]
Name: Melvin Peter Lam
Nick: Angelic Baby
School: Simei ITE College
birthday: 06/20/89
: hobbies :
Floorball
Basketball
Badminton
Chatting
Cycling
: Church Group :
Savlve Regina Choir of Nativity Church
: My kind of Music :
Hear my Prayer, O Lord
: Character :
Missing important targets in life
Emo
Losing faith
Very Crappy
Iis difficult to explain
Negative
: The Boyx :
Jason
Daryl
paul
kenneth
Louis
Derek
Amanda Lee
Marie
Charlotte
Jasmine Mei Mei
Isabelle
Jasmine Low
Nicole
Amanda Quek
Sharron Mei Mei
Winnie Nag Nag
Cheryl Ann
Amanda Woon
Jesslyn
Annabelle
: the design :
Laurice Solomon
picture from
Getty Images
edited using Adobe Photoshop CS2
