Dark Angel

¬ Hey Diary ¬

2008-10-11T00:49:00.002+08:00

Hey Diary,
If you are still here, thanks for viewing my blog :) Its been ages since my last update if you are wondering where I have been. :P Life's been so interesting nowadays. Since its been such a long time since I last updated, lets just start on something fresh. :) My new term starts next week. With the new timetable which suck big time, I think I am so not gonna get use to it. Still remembered my last term when my timetable is only Mon, Tues and Wed. Oh well, lifes goes on :) Anyway, going out to those who still view my blog, thanks yo :) This blog don't really exist anymore actually. Just today I almost teared when thinking of how christ died for us. Those wounds on his head, back, hands, legs, feet. And here we are, not doing anything to praise him. Who in the world can ever suffer such great pain but our Lord Jesus Chirst himself.
Thank you :)

¬ Questions ¬

2008-06-03T23:01:00.002+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Here because 'someone' ask me to return some questions. (You should know who you are)
Here goes:

1. If your lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?

Lost.

2.If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

To be able to go Heaven together with my love ones (Family, Friends etc. )with the Lord's permission.

3.What will your dream wedding to be like?

Haven't think of it yet.

4.Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?

Yes. Definetly. It all lies in the will of God. Still trying to find out. haha

5.What's your ideal lover like?

Difficult to explain la this type of things.

6.do you have a person that you wish you will be with now?

Yes.

7.which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Both.

8.How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

A long time. Very long time.

9.if the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?

Still like her. ^^

10.is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?

Yup. Tell me, who doesn't have problems?

11.is being tagged fun?

Not really. Not sure. First time doing it :)

13.how do you see yourself in ten years time?

That will be 2018, I let you know than?

14.who are currently most important people to you?

So many people. Firstly, God. Than Adele, my family, choir friends, my bestie(Phyllicia), jasmine(You know which one you are)... and many more.

15.what kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Her name is Angelic Girl, don't be so rude ok? Call her 'person' all... Shes' nice la. She stood by me whenever I am down.

16.would you rather to be single and rich or married but poor?

What can richness give when when you can't share it with your loved ones? Unless you one night stand lo. But not me.... you Boto...

17.what's the first thing you do every morning?

Think of God, than my loved ones

18.would you give all in a relationship?

Yes. Of course. whoever doesn't is an ass :)

19.if you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?

Right now, still one le. Won't la. Why you ask so many questions? Are you done?

20.what type of friends do you like?

I have the BEST. What more can I ask for? because its given by God.

21.if given the chance to turn back time, will you?

Um, I ever thought of it. But maybe if time was turned back, things would get worser? No, won't go back :)

22.what is the last thing you would do before you die

I would call my loved ones and tell them how much I love them. And if given abit more time to live, I would do a video for each one of them :)

Thats all folks... By the way, did you realize the question number 12 was missed out? haha. Got you! hahaAnd er.. Haven't been updating because am busy.
Smiley :)

¬ ^^ ¬

2008-05-06T23:22:00.003+08:00

Thanks for everything :)
God did answer my prayer :)

¬ That Maths ¬

2008-04-28T23:14:00.002+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Hey hey hey :) Hows it going? Things have been fine for me recently, not much happened. Normal days with its normal routines. Anyway, Will be cantoring this coming Wednesday for 'Acension' at 8pm in church. Still practising some of this notes though, scare as usual :) Studies in school is abit slack now as theres only one module this term. This is because I did quite well in the previous modules and got exempted from a few new Modules. So this only Module that I am taking is call engineering maths. Omg, you should see the equations and all. Can die la. So 'chimalogy' whatever you call it. So difficult to understand la. :P
May God help me through the up coming topics. Sooooo... tough. Its not stressful or what, its just difficult to understand all that know what I mean? Maybe life isn't all about studying. Oh ya, my
Aunt told me this just the other day.
Auntie: " Melvin, maybe you should seek first the kingdom of God before anything else because without the Lord, anything else is dead".
Melvin: " Guess ya right Auntie. I guess studies and work are just stepping stones? But than, life still tough le".
Auntie: Hahahaha... :)
Recently, I've been missing my Grandma. Even though I visit her almost every Friday. But, I am feeling very 'Miss her' alot kind of feeling. Come to think of it. I still remember those days my Grandma brought me up when I was young. As I was growing up, she cared and took care of me. I didn't really appreciate what she did for me guess cos I was still young? Those were the days, my Grandma walked me to the bus-stop to take the school-bus. Those days she bought me sweets. Those days she walked me to the tuition center and back home. Oh man... I love my Grandma :)

Love ya Grandma :)

¬ Help! ¬

2008-04-22T21:16:00.002+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Hmm... you know?

Grow up Please....

¬ Make a moment last for forever ¬

2008-04-15T22:18:00.003+08:00

Dearest Diary,

hey yo... Hows it going? 've been alright if you were to ask me how I have been. :) School just started already. Well, back in ITE doing HigherNitec in Electronics and +++ watever.. Our clique had been reduced to like 4 of us when normally its the 10 of us. The feeling suck actually. Two of them went to Poly and I am really happy for them. Some went into army and about three other went into another ITE school. Oh man, life is really about this right? I have known my ITE friends for like 2 years? Though its just this short two years but its the time that we spent together.. From studying to skipping classes to so many other things. I miss my ITE friends :)

I don't think many people really views my blog but I hope God sees it. :) Ok, so foolish to think of that.haha. Anyway, been wondering how my friends have been.. Not been contacting many of my them recently. Oh ya, and thanks Dele... for being there for me all these times. :)

And to all my friends who view my blog, I've an idea roughly who but thanks for dropping by all the time. Thanks k?haha..

Smiley Smiley :)

Thanks Bestie for this Angel.... Sorry for the late update :)

Dele's hands and my fingers..hahaha.. :)

¬ Happy ¬

2008-04-01T18:18:00.003+08:00

Hey Diary...

So, how's it going?hehe... Well, been busy going out with friends and of course with the World Of Warcraft game.... Think I am an addict to it already. Things are still alright at home... Guess pictures would show better than words...

¬ Besties for life ¬

2008-03-18T23:52:00.002+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Hey all... its been awhile as usual. Hmm.... how are things? Well, i should say things are fine? Oh yup, its true... I am going to HigherNitec.. Know that many people are disappointed in me. Don't you think I am disappointed in myself? Of course! Its just that, its such a long story that its very difficult to explain in this post. Hope that all would understand. Been playing my world of warcraft at home most of the days now. Meeting up with Bestie and the others are also frequent. And of course with Dele Dele...
Diary, I was told maybe its a different path to go instead of going to Poly like most Singaporeans would do. Was told to face up to reality and that there was no point in thinking about it and worrying about such things since things are meant to be this way. Finally, I realize something, someone in my life before. My Angelic Girl... Well, guess you've have been reading my posts since the start of my blogging just that you don't wanna tell me right? At least give me a tag?

EASTER is coming! Know what? EASTER is such a grand occasion that its even much much more grand than Christmas.. Anyway, got to go... NIGHT night all. ^^

¬ Still remember that day ¬

2008-03-04T23:27:00.002+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Its been awhile. I still remember that day I met you, your eyes, your nose, the feature of your face, it melted my heart, my mind and soul. Never did I think of forgetting you ever again. Still, now, you're here and always by my side. I thank you for that :)

So, its the end of the road here? Whats next? ITE? POLY? or the National service? God, I am confused. What am I to do? Life is so difficult to understand each very moment.

Nope, I am not gonna forget my ITE friends nor my church friends or anyone that entered my life before. Hopefully when I grow up, or die, I will still remember the memories that was once real.

Anyway, until this day, you are still in my dairy, my heart, my mind and soul.

You too Lord, are in my heart. Know I falled you many times, the countless times of many things. But, you are there right? I feel it know? Show me a way? thanks

P.S. I love you...

~ Voice ~

2008-02-01T16:33:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Hey Diary, back again! :) I've been so so damn tired nowadays because of work. Its not 4 hours or 5 hours, its 8 hours.. And I only have a day off in a week. Well, its my last week already so who cares right?haha Other than that, everythings' fine. Diary, you ever watched the movie call 'Voice'? Its a horror Korean show. To me, its not horror at all, its art and entertaiment. :) I downloaded the movie's soundtrack. In a way it sounds damn haunted with all the effects but to me its too Shiok!haha. Oh man, just abit speechless now so take care Diary... ^^

~ Knew it ~

2008-01-22T15:05:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Sometimes its really tough right? With life I mean.... To overcome all the problems and troubles. Some of which can't be solve or would take like a million years to solve? You may ask where is the Lord when you are at the most vulnerable moment, but you did realize maybe you kept too much anger in you that the Lord can't be with you? Maybe you want the Lord to be there for you and you love the Lord but just that you doubt it? Happens to me at times like something in my mind would asked, " Is there really the Lord?" Or " You are too sinful that the Lord can't be near you at all"... Guess these' are the works of the evil one... One things' for sure, the Lord is so real even though we fall and sin at times, we know he will never give up on us...
OR
Sometimes the things we prayed for didn't come my way, or it might go worse than expected, than we would blame the Lord for punishing us and leaving us alone. I guess the Lord just wants to test our faith, to see if we are strong enough. But seriously speaking, we did always come out from that problem right? (Think for a moment) Theres' always like a way out from problems whether the outcome is good or bad. It might come out bad but might be in a good way though? Guess its a puzzle now. ^^

~ Waiting ~

2008-01-18T10:24:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

I received a letter from ITE, it was my grades. Well, I did alright or what people normally say, average... Now, I am waiting for the Os' result so that I can apply an entry to Poly. I pray to God for the entry to be accepted. Even if its not accepted, I will understand for there is another way in life. One has to at least have a diploma or A level to survive. You don't want to collect that little pay for the rest of your life with just an ITE cert right? But whats' there in this life when the real one is the next? Not much matter to me actually except for my friends, family and of course the one up there. ^^ Been working lately and been quite tired. Well, its work thats why... Sometimes it can be so boring when theres' no customers.

~ I still wonder why I fail you Lord.

~ Pretty Right? ~Hahaha

~ Work ~

2008-01-12T09:53:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Hey Diary, its been awhile ya? When was the last? Chirtmas? Time passes so fast now its like around the middle of January already. Diary, I am working in Great World City nowadays. Well, its fun in a way because you get to interact with people.

Anyway, does all things matter? Money? Looks? Character? Seriously, it may mean it in this world but if you don't have faith than what's the point right? Its not that I am perfect because I too drift away from faith many times. But to me, if theres' no faith.... theres no peace in mind, heart and soul.
Some people asked me before like " Melvin, whats' the point of having faith? When we still meet up with problems and troubles in the end? If god loves us, he should take away our problems " Well, theres always some questions that can never be answered. In such case, the answer would be " Well, we may face problems and troubles in life but with faith, it gives us peace and the confirmation of God's love for us. Though problems may still be there but does it matter? Because God is all good things in this life and in the other.... My dear, why worry?

~ Merry Chirstmas! haha. Oh, in advance ~

2007-12-24T09:14:00.001+08:00

Hey Diary,
Merry Christmas! Well, in advance... At this time its not Christmas yet cos' Christ havne't born yet!hehe. But for the next few days I won't be able to type in so here I am now. Things around has been ok I guess. These few days, I have enjoying myself actually. Hanging out with friends and baking cake with my brother. Anyways, shes' coming back tomorrow, have to go out with her!haha. Got to go Diary.
Merry Christmas all!

~ Excuse me. ^^ ~

2007-12-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Hey Diary, how have ya been? Hahaha... Back again after a long time, when was it? 5 Dec? Anyway, what have I been up to you must be wondering? Well... playing World of Warcraft, going out with friends, blasting my computer's speakers and listening to Christmas songs! Feeling the mood that is,haha. Oh, and doing Christmas presents for my friends (Well, making a mess that is)haha. I guess holidays are the best in my life. Wonder if I start working full-time outside next time, guess there won't be so many holiday compare to now.

So, heres a picture of the game I have been playing;

This is my level 53 warlock character and the inferno beside me as my bodyguard!haha

Well, thats all folks. ^^

Missing you Adele...

my sister, winnie...

and many others. ^^

~ Finally... haha ~

2007-12-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I still remember that day. Jan 16th 2006. When I stepped into this new school call Simei ITE. And now, December 05 2007. Time passes so fast. At that time I was still wondering when I would graduate from school. But now, I miss the times I spent with my classmates in school. Those stupid moments, funny moments and unforgettable moments. Seriously, we might or might not meet up next time but for sure; we remembered the times we once shared.
~ TODAY marks the day for my last paper and also the start of my holidays. I am happy (of course I should be happy) thats because I can play W0W(World of Warcraft) for all I want! Meet up with friends and of course, get ready the Christmas presents!hehe. Oh, and listening to Christmas songs! Those songs that can melt the hearts. Oh man, Thank you all! ^^ most importantly, the one up there. Thank you Father. ^^

~ Ever wonder? ~

2007-12-03T11:54:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Hey Diary.... My last paper is like in two days?haha. Just taking a break now so decided to type one short on here.haha Well, these few days I have been thinking. Like, what will happen to us ten years down the road? Like our careers? Our friends? Would we get married? Would we still be single. Most importantly, do we still remember each other? Thats all part of life right? My friends always say I think alot about the future. Like, haven't even learn how to walk, want to fly.hahaha. Well, I am a thinker.. (Hello)
Been alright these few days. Just keeping myself busy with my (World of Warcraft) and friends. That is something life cannot do without.haha. Ok, back to studies.
Take care all. ^^
~ Still knowing you...

~ Its that, that matters... Inside the heart ~

2007-11-26T21:44:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Tell me Diary, do you think its all about looks? I guess so right? But that care, love and concern that play the roles in the heart, is important as well right? Seems like questions are always in my mind to keep me busy. Some questions are 'unanswerable', some are stupid. Theres only two more papers for me now. Tomorrow and the 5Th of December. Still, that Christmas mood is in me already. I feel so happy most of the time when the thought of Christmas comes to my mind. Sometimes, life can be really beautiful. But you know, at times its just so..... Disaster. ^^

~ Little Superhero Boy ~

2007-11-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

I haven't really put in effort in studying for my coming papers. So, there isn't much I can ask for. Sometimes, its so difficult to keep my faith in top condition. Sometimes, I fall so hard I wished I never did. Well, thats where the learning starts. Quite a number of friends are important to me. And my family is important to me. ( Even though I disobey my parents at times ) I feel hurt when such things happen. But, I don't know how to make things right. And what if one day, I would lose those that are precious to me? Would I regret?
I still remember once last year when I went for confession in the confession room. I don't know who that priest was. But, it was something about that priest that I always think of. Not of his face or anything but words that came out of his mouth. ~ After telling the priest my sins, he told me somethings (I don't quite remember) but, it was this 3 words that I swear my heart almost broke down in pieces. He said " Jesus loves you." My heart froze for a second. It was like as if it came from the one above. (Sounds drama right? But I can't really explain it)Than again, I still fall over and over each time. Most of the time, I feel I am not worthy or even fit to talk to the lord. But one things for sure, He truly loves us.

My greatest reward, our friendship.

~ Theres always so much to say ~

2007-11-20T22:05:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Is that why I go through all that trouble because of friendship? Is that why things must be done this way? Are there no other ways? Or choice? I guess theres always so much to say when it comes to friendship. Anyway, my tests are bombing on me soon, anytime now. Two tests today and one next week. The final of all is the 5 of December. I am feeling the Christmas mood now actually. Don't really feel the urge for rushing my studies now. Anyways, one test tomorrow. ^^
smile.

~ I failed, too many times ~

2007-11-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
How do we pull ourselves up again when we fall? Not physically fall but emotionally. Like everyone says, its difficult to pick up and go another round all over again. I failed, too many times; countless they say. I feel like there is no point of return anymore. If it didn't happen that day when I was in secondary one, I could have been saved. Now is a time for courage and strength. I learnt a new lesson today. Never ask for anything in return no matter how much it takes when you care for someone. I have seen friendships or even myself sometimes it goes like this..... "Why must you do this to me? I have done so much for you and this is how you treat me? Realize that if you really care for someone, all you want is for that person to smile and be happy. (If its really care, you will be happy when she/he smiles)
Somehow, i hate those who curse the lord... That makes me a sinner, because I failed the Lord too many times as well.

~ You know ~

2007-11-11T01:34:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

(Some of you may not understand what is written in this post)

You know Diary, I really prayed hard for my cantor day. Well, I don't want to sing well to please the congregation but only for the Lord. Somehow, I felt the Lord was sitting there today. I knew very well he supported me. I hope I did make him happy, in a way. ^^

~ Its the first time I am feeling this way in this life so far. Is it real? You know I care alot for you. Come on, its not even a day yet. No matter what, happiness is what I want for you. ~

Anyway, Christmas is coming! I kind of have the feeling of Christmas now. How I wish the Lord would come now ^^ So that I don't have to study anymore!haha. Lazy me. ^^ This type of happiness, its hard to describe. ^^

~ One that is priceless ~

~ I guess ~

2007-11-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I guess you are right. I am not open to everyone in this life unless I trust you through and through. Partly its because I think alot and taking many things in life seriously. Well, its good to take things seriously, but not everything. When you take things too seriously, everything just has to be straight and done correctly, like a robot. When you think too much, you don't really open up to your loved ones. Scared that you be a burden to them? Its how I am gonna let things go. This time round, I felt a knife stabbed in my heart. ^^

~ Can't take that distance ~

2007-11-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Funny isn't it? What about when we grow up? Would we drift? Would the world end just as it says? Would we still see each other when we grow up? I don't know actually but I hope that love and friendship will always be around? I don't know how to face it now. I can't take this distance actually. Maybe I will go all the way... to see you smile. ^^ My bestie. ^^

~ Thoughts ~

2007-10-30T22:35:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Its been a while since my last post. Everythings' fine now. Not much had happened actually. Just those normal days. With school projects and studies, with friends to be busy with in church and school, nothing can make me think now. In a way, I am grateful for everything in my life now. Just some thoughts that been running in and out of my mind. Well, its always been like that I guess. But whats most important is to be happy. Not the outer side but deep inside my heart. I thank the Lord from the above for everything that he has provided for me and even the little things for me. I shouldn't ask for more. Smile. ^^

~ Its fine ~

2007-10-22T22:23:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

I know my mum cares. But she nags too much? Never mind, maybe my minds' thinking too much. Didn't board the bus today to school. Cos of those red eyes of mine I am not allowed to face the world. I am worried about school work, like the lessons and topics that I would missed? Hell lot... Its best to return to school as soon as possible.

Oh Lord, help heal my eyes that I be able to return to school on Wednesday... For now, thats the fastest time. Goodnight Diary....

~ Life seems lost without you nowadays. The chats that we normally had over the phone. Well, life is like that after all. Its meant to be like that so I CAN miss you. In a way... ^^ ~

~ Now this plays an important part in my life ~

~ A swollen day with a pair of swollen eyes ~

2007-10-21T21:54:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

I know, life was never easy. Its not gonna be smooth sailing and all. With a knife stab in your back or facing financial problems at home. Life with all those craps and shits. Well, its how you gonna face it. ^^ But somehow, the worries are through no matter what. Though it may come back someday, its certain its gonna drop again. Love ya Jesus. ^^

~Ya, I know it suck ~

~ Sure is ^^ ~

2007-10-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Listening to the soundtracks from Nativty Story just makes my heart melt. It brings joy you know? Anyways, everyone seems troubled in their own lifes. He is sad, She is troubled, they are full of crap, you are hurt and I am shot. Everyone seems to be facing lots of problems. So, don't think you are facing the worse problems in life. What to say now? Its not the end of the world. Just get over it, its all in the blood. Happinese is not easy to grab, so are you ready for the race? I read this in the bible,
" Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail"
Taught me a big deal Diary... ^^

~ Let it go? ~

2007-10-07T21:39:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
One of the toughest things in life is to forget. To forget about someone... Don't you agree? And before you forget, you have to go through tons and tons of shit. Well, its whether or not you gonna pull through it. Its the pain one has to bear with and to slowly let go. Is my life ok? I don't know. Troubles seem to come knocking on my house all the time. Sometimes I fear, sometimes the anger, sometimes the confusion, sometimes the hurt, sometimes to forget. Isn't it all part of life? *Hold tightly to the lord. ^^

~ Foolish Boy ~

2007-10-03T22:35:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

~ To my sister, Sharon Mei :
Well, You know sister, somehow I never get to really express my feelings to you before. Well, I know you've friends now and a boyfriend. Sometimes I really thought to myself, like, am I still your brother at all? It seems like no matter what I have done, it didn't really catch your eyes before? Does money really play an important part? Well, you know I don't have that much of money. All that kept me going was just some savings. I don't know, maybe its because I think alot again... But seriously, we really have been so distant. What have I done? Its seems like the more quarrels we get into with each other, the worse it gets. I still love you sister, really.... Well, Happy 15th Birthday. ~

Lord, am I on the right track? Please show me a sign or something. You see, I would even go to that extent that friends would say I am foolish. Like saying, "Melvin, you do so much; what is it that you want in return?". My reply is, nothing. What do I expect? But sometimes its really foolish of me? Than others would ask, "Melvin, why are you still single?". My reply was, "I don't know seriously, why?". Lord, if my plan you gave me is to stay this way, I will obey. Show me a sign? To give is twice is better than taking. True?

~ Its that, that you can't smile ~

2007-10-01T21:52:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Its been a year and still counting. I couldn't believe it either. Never mind if you don't understand what I am typing. Most importantly, feelings are to be expressed here. Pulling out from this feeling is way too difficult. It wasn't what I expected in this life-time. You know Diary? You may have done so much but somehow, it doesn't go the way you so want it to be. Rather, it twist and turn and makes you confuse. Other than that, other things starts to bite you in your life. What do you know Diary? You are just my Diary.... The worse thing is you know what? That thinking there is still hope.

~ A prayer to my Guardian Angel ~

2007-10-01T15:24:00.001+08:00

~ Angel of God's light, whom God sends as a companion for me on earth, protect me from the snares of the devil, and help me to walk always as a child of God, my creator. Angel of God's truth, whose perfect knowledge serves what is true, protect me from deceits and temptations. Help me to know the truth, and always to live the truth. Angel of God's love, who praises Jesus Christ, the only son of God, who sacrificed his life for love of us, sustain me as I learn the ways of divine love, of sacrificial generosity, of meekness and loveliness of heart. ~

Thank you my Heavenly friend, for your watchful care. At the moment of my death, bring me to heaven, where the one true God, who is light, truth and love, lives and reigns forever and ever. Amen. ^^

~ Use to ~

2007-09-29T00:45:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
You know Diary? In the past, I always blamed God when things never worked my way. I would always say " God, why must you do this to me?" Seriously, it was never the Lord's fault at all... I was always the blind and foolish sheep because I followed the wrong way. It was always the devil's plan that changed my mind and thought that God is responsible for all the damages done. Stupid Satan, get off my back, I am not a fool now. Problems will be problems. Troubles will be troubles. Happiness will always be happiness. If there is something that I can't get off from inside me be it problems or the hurt caused; faith is the only way I guess... After-all, there will always be problems in life, who doesn't right?
But some may be worse than others. Just remember, giving up is not the solution to getting problems off in life. What do you get by giving up? You'll get worse, 'worser' than it already is. Don't understand what is being typed here? Don't worry, one day you will. ^^

~ Will be there ~

2007-09-26T20:46:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Seems like not many people understand what is written in this blog. Well, don't just read it; try understanding it?

~ You know? No matter what, I'll be here for you. It seems like you don't know a single thing thats happening at my side. Its ok. Most important is that you are happy. In the period of time, you need support and encouragement, I will give all I have friend. ^^ Than the writers are talking about the rapture and the tribulation. To me, the more information that is put into my mind; the more confuse I get. Its not easy believing in something that sight cannot see. They call it faith, thats what i agreed with. I asked "what to do to be on the right track?" That someone told me,
"Having faith and love". And there is much more. When will my problems end?
Love you Jesus. ^^

~ That passion ~

2007-09-24T21:39:00.001+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Yup, I saw that nail.. How it went through the lord's hand, I thought my heart burst for a moment. The crown of torns on his head that the soldiers smashed it in, I thought I fainted. And every hit that the lord took for the world. My heart almost broke into pieces. No man can take all that burden but the lord himself. Because he loves us.
Sorry for all that I have done.

~ Give me a sign ~

2007-09-23T20:31:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Seriously, you know I don't want anything in return. I am just so stupid. Such a fool. Not knowing what lies ahead, its life I guess. Lord, give me a sign that you love me? Its people that all said you love us times a thousand and billon times. But with the devil on my back, its taking me too long notice you. Show me a way because I know, you love me.

~ Behind that wall ~

2007-09-22T22:41:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
If i were to stand behind that wall and secretly make you happy without you knowing it, I won't mind. I won't mind taking all your sufferings on me and that happiness be with you. If I were to die for you in the most cruel way, why not? I swear no negative thoughts was with me when you were down. Happiness was what I want for you. If my love were to be blind to you but make you happy in a way, why not? If happiness is what you will get in the rest of your life but not for me, why not? If there is no justice, so be it.
Stubborn me isn't it?
My heart is yours to take...

~ Its ok ~ ^^

2007-09-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I just have to admit that it will never happen? No matter how much effort is put into it, guess things will never work out? Its been so long and yet I am still holding on to it. It was never easy... letting go. Lord, give me a sign that I may not be lost. Waiting for your answer Lord. ^^

~ You're priceless ~

2007-09-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
You know Diary? I always asked the lord, "lord, why is the world unfair?" Like when life isn't that good with problems and all that, I always pop that question in my mind to the lord. But you know diary, I realize that if I really put my heart, soul and mind to the lord; I don't really have to worry whether or not life is unfair. Seriously, exams and work is really nothing in the lord's eyes. Most importantly, have faith. Just that, faith is something that you cannot play around with. Faith has its ups and downs because the devil never fails to pull. Have mercy on my Father. ^^

~Now, about you... You're priceless to me. Its something I will never get to see in this life other than this one. This feeling that money cannot buy. This feeling that is so sweet and melt the heart. This feeling that one will die for it just to spend a day with it. This feeling, priceless.

~ You asked ~

2007-09-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
She asked "Are you really ready to die?".... Frenkly speaking, why not? Seriously, theres nothing much important now on earth. Except singing to the lord and a few good friends around. Isn't it that enough you might ask? Ya, its enough but why not be ready for death? Its no harm right? Why? Why? does it happen? Lets just continue with the pebbles shall we?
- Painting. ^^

~ Its been awhile ~

2007-09-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Its been awhile isn't it Diary? I guess somethings in life, theres always this ups and downs? As for me, though my mind is in a mess now; I know that things will be somehow fine. Ten years down the road, what will happen? What will happen to each and single one of us? Would friendship now meet in future? Would our loved ones still be around? Or us in the tomb? Like 'they' always say, its life. My Aunt's caught with cancer. she has a few months from what I heard from my family members. And I have yet seen her, maybe theres' no need? I don't know... As for my 'Sister', I don't know what the hell is happening. I guess its what my actions did that caused it. I don't feel the need in myself anymore. Why? Why am I born into this world to sin and make the lord unhappy?
Cheers. ^^

~ To my beloved sister ~

2007-08-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

Dearest Dairy,
I don't know if you would read this entry. (You are the one I call sister)
I think we have drifted too far. With no chats, with no communication, theres no way in a brother/sister relationship that would go any better. I rather you scold me and say I am paranoid than not to talk to me at all. So now, am I a brother forever? Or I am just a no difference from any guy that you see on the streets? From the day we knew each other, its been tough through us and lots of things happened but it happened so that we could be further or nearer? My heart aches for you sister. I don't know whether you even miss me at all as much as I do. During those times, you cost me to bleed in the heart. Its like as if I have lost someone that I loved so much. Sister, don't you know how much you mean? Do I even mean anything to you? I really tried, to be there for you... Really, I really tried to listen to you, to help you in your problems, to make you smile. Theres many words that pop out of my mouth asking irritating questions, I am award of that and my heart and soul feels useless. What isit that must be done so that you be happy? its because of the paranoid attitude that I have you wouldn't tell me a single thing? People laughed at me you know? Why am I such a fool? Its because I love you sister.
I may not be a handsome brother,
may not be a brother that can make you laugh,
may not be a cheerful brother,
but your brother cares so much.

~ Who in the right mind ~

2007-08-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Who in the right mind would do this? And he would do this just to make her happy. Come on, her boyfriend don't even do such things. Who is he to do? Such a fool deserves to die. Let the injury grow worse and the most stop him from breathing. He is such a fool isn't he? His throat feels the sharp knife. Can't everything just end here? All these will be recorded don't you know? What am I to her? I wonder.

~ Its not easy to forget someone you really love ~

2007-08-14T22:07:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Ya, its never easy to forget someone you really love. Its not easy for me. Its true, its not beneficial for me even though I did so much for her. But, its something about her smile that made my heart melt. I know very well that she has no feelings for me. And most of the time, I feel like a fool. But what do I do? I have to stay strong right? I am painting a shoe for her soon, just make sure I don't die before that. ^^
Have mercy on me Father.

~ So you want your son to suffer? ~

2007-08-13T22:02:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Would you? Would you be there for someone who is really in need of help? Help not as in studies, not as in work but its deep feelings inside him. So you want your son to suffer? Your son just wants someone to love him, thats all he want. Is it too much to ask? His been played around like a fool and pain in the ass. Can't you have mercy on him? Doesn't it make your heart ache at all? I think his suffering from depression. ^^
Faith is believing in something that you cannot see.
Its tough.
Can you hear?

~ Need time ~

2007-08-12T21:33:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Tomorrow will be a start of a new week again and an end of this week. Worry about a few things though. My projects in school are still in the process even though the due is almost up. I am sure lessons are gonna be as boring as usual. But what to do? Still have to carry on. The worse thing is that, I still think of you every now and than. Do you know whats the worse part of it all? Its that you do not know how much you mean to me. In both our eyes, its only friendship thats in the process. But in my heart.... I really like know you.
Ok, I have said enough. But, I'll always support you. ^^
Have mercy on my Lord.

~ Don't be sad. Its the weight of the world ~

2007-08-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
If only I have the strength to carry my weight of problems. If only, I have the determination to over come my problems. If only I have the courage to tell you that I still like you. After all these times, can't you see that I am still single? Its because I can't forget you at all. I don't feel depress. But I feel really sad. That sharp knife that cut through that heart. If only that would happen, it ends there.
I can't forget you.

~ I just want you to be happy ~

2007-08-09T22:01:00.001+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I guess I can't forget her. Partly is because I want to like her and not to forget her. But, the only way to start afresh again, is to be forget her. Why is it that I only think of her? Actually, I know she'll be happy even if I didn't exist in her life. I wonder how she actually feel about me? Because to me, I just feel so much for her. I had no other feelings as deep as this one for anyone in this life before. Oh heavenly father, give me a opportunity to love her?
I couldn't sleep that very dark night.

~ With that heart ~

2007-08-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I didn't go to school today. Guess I am so gonna get scolded by my teacher this Friday. Well, I don't mind. I rather spend my time at home and at a quiet corner. Actually, if death were to come, no one can stop it. Because, its time and its life.
That night, I couldn't sleep at all. All I thought was you.... It is so difficult.
Lord, you love me do you?

~ Blood ~

2007-08-07T22:04:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
No one would believe me if I told them... I smelt blood through my nose as soon as I finished the 2.4km run today. I haven't been training for this NANFA test so I should expect such an outcome. During the 2nd lap of the run, I just felt like dying at that very moment. I just couldn't carry on with it. For no reason, even though my heart was about to burst, I continued running. What a moment of risk. I was in 29 position though... Compare to last year, I was in 13th place. What disappointment.
Dearest friend, you play an important part in my life and I mean it. I know you understand, but you will never understand what that feel I have for you. Thats what friendship is to me. If one day you know how it feels, tell me ok?

~ And so, its completed ~

2007-08-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
And so, when you pray, pray in a quiet place that not even a tiny bit of sound can be heard. There, you'll hear the lord. You may be confused, you may cry, you may be in pain, but be sure he is there.... Though hearts may be confused, its all the work of the devil. Pray.....
I admit, I like her. But trust me that not a single soul knows it. For only my guardian angel know who it is. Its you that came me all awake the whole night without sleeping. ^^

~ If its to be this way, so be it ~

2007-08-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I was blind to all these. Even in my heart. I thought I was doing the right thing all these while. I've seen enough... I was actually the goat all these time. Doing all these things that doesn't benefit me... When I was down, they laughed at me... When I was sad, I thought you knew... When I supported you, I thought you saw me... When I spent hours and days to care for you, I thought you known it...

~ That feel for that someone ~

2007-08-05T00:44:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Would you cross a thousand miles for the one you love? Would you do whatever you can for that someone to be happy? But what if, that someone does not know what you've done for her, would you list it out on a piece of paper and show it to her what you have done? Isn't it unfair? Than again, 'they' would say the world is unfair. But of course the worse of the painful scene would be to see her with someone else. There, they would be holding hands, being very lovely with each other.... It would break the deepest of the heart I guess.
Sometimes in life, it happens. I wish her to be happy.
^^

~ So, theres this two brothers ~

2007-07-30T21:36:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

So, there is this two brothers. One prefer long hair, the other doesn't. One is more hardworking while the other is lazy. One prefer staying at home, the other doesn't. Two different world, two different lifes but two brothers. So, when judgment day comes, the better one would go paradise right? While the other.... you know.

Um... Class today is bored till.......... until don't know how to be bored lex.hahax.. Projects in school are still in the process though. Presentation and report must be submitted soon. But I don't feel much stress I guess. The pressure lies it all at home, where pain and anger is. I know life is not easy and I know life is serious. So, I'll pray, to hang in there. ^^

~ Guardian Angel ~

~ Sending Message ~

2007-07-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Sorry for always being so 'action' about the project. Been neglecting lots of things because of this. Its ok to neglect, but I 'action' about it and I just want to apologise. I've been in a wrong, I am sorry.

~ A little boy with a super hero ~

2007-07-27T23:50:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Weekend is coming just like those days. Projects in school are getting more and more though. Reports, presentation and circuit boards all to be done by next week. Somehow, I am suppose to feel stress, but I don't. Maybe theres nothing to be stress about, its school; and I expect work and all thats. I'll be cantoring for the lord next week. And I hope I can pull through with his guidance.
Oh, about that important project that I've been working on for the past few months, its going well. I am almost through with it.
Cousins and me will be visiting Grandma this Sunday! Happy weekend!hahax...
Pray more, but read the bible too. ^^
I miss my sister.
I miss my close friends (Its not everyday I get to see them)

~ Its too late for me now ~

2007-07-26T21:52:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
For an example, would you go drinking beer with your close friends or would you go meet up a friend that cares alot for you? Hard to decide? I guess when the lord comes, its too late for me. Its already too late, there is no way I can turn the back the clock. For a moment, I thought I have that chance to be with you. But now, I should just go fly kite. I realize I've been such a fool all these time. Is it all worth it?
Still thinking.

~ Is that all thats left? ~

2007-07-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Just did a part of the project a few hours ago. Messed up the entire living room though. But with every word written, every stroke of the marker, ever minute spent was with love. No matter what it takes, I'll complete it.
I've a sister... Not blood siblings but I love her. Alot. Somehow, I feel kind of empty when we don't communicate. For the past few weeks, we hardly talk. To me, I feel empty and kind of missing something in my life. I know she have her commitments now. I always make her angry with all my negative thoughts but she understands. For now, she has her reasons and I respect that. And I'll always stick around. Because, I might not be there in time to come.

~ Its still the same old story ~

2007-07-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead. How long till my hunger is fed. They say it's hard to make it in this part of town. So many people in this merry-go-round. Some folks try astrology, some turn to crystal balls to find an answer to get through it all. As for me, I turn to the Almighty above all. Without the lord, I am just a piece of junk.
I turned on the TV but it screams out at me and I am buying brand new toys. Thats like, "What the hell?"... Cut the crap. I shouldn't be keeping score and all that because I will crash like no one knows. Letting go might be the best solution I guess.
Ok, better get back to my project.
No one will know.
^^
No picture today.

~ That project ~

2007-07-23T21:54:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Hahahax.... come to think of it, I am really a fool. I can't believe I am doing this project... the project is still in the process though. Theres three parts to it. By right, it was only two but I decided that doing another doesn't hurt. I was wrong.... My fingers hurt now than before. At some point, I almost did gave it all up. But I guess if you really want that person to be happy, you'll do anything in your ability. Diary, you must be confused now right? Thinking "What the hell are you talking about"? You are right, I am not telling you what it is. Not yet that is.

Frankly speaking, its the toughest project I am doing in this life. (I think) It take up lots of endurance and inner strength.

1. Computer.

2. 81cm by 51cm.

2. 17.

Get it?

Guess not...

~ Love is in the air ~

~ The project half done ~

2007-07-21T10:45:00.001+08:00

Dearest Diary,
If death were to come to me right now, that project will not be done and no one will know about it. But for now, its half done only. It will take a longer time now to complete there other half. People will say only a fool would do such things. My mum would say why I have to go through all these for that someone. Maybe a fool just wants to make that someone happy. Its not a module project, its not a circuit project, its not a school project. But, its consist of something that money can't buy.
The lord is coming before we know it. But seriously, if the lord comes; its too late to do anything else. If the world were to end tonight, its too late....
Somethings money can't buy.

~ I just never learn ~

2007-07-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Somethings I never learn. To forgive with my heart and to love those around me. I think when the lord comes, I'll be sent to the pit of hell. I like her so much. I can't seem to forget her, maybe thats why I am still single. Its too late to ask for answers now. Its too late to get any help now. All I have to do... is to learn. An ass.... stupid ass...

~ I think too much ~

2007-07-18T21:45:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Father, forgive me for I have sinned and that I have think too much. I thought too much that I sleep-walk and almost step out of the house last night. I have alot going through my mind now. I feel scared. I feel confused. Work in school is fine... Been doing fine so far for school. But at home, not everything is ok. These are those hard days that I've to go through.
And I go through everything by myself. Its just that you don't get to see. Is not weather or not I want to learn. Its because I learned enough. Since you already have a boyfriend, there isn't much I can do. But, I'll always wish the best for you. Since a fool and I and a useless one too..
Just like those days....

~ They call it love sick ~

2007-07-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Recently, alot of problems had been showing up at home. Well, I always choose to turn away from home because I know its hard to share my problems with my friends and would end up hurting myself. Somehow, I don't feel stress. But, I feel something torturing me deep inside. Its a feeling that makes me breathless. I feel very uncomfortable. Everytime I turn away from home, I thought the problems would drift away. But I was wrong, the problem was always there.
My friends said that their family are the most important in their 'lifes'. I am happy for them. How I actually wish my family was a happy one. Guess its a fact that I've to face in my life that mine isn't.... I know everyone has their own problems. Not saying I am the worse because I know many others who are much worse and unfortunate than me. I am grateful for what I have. In front of my friends eyes, I always look so normal like nothing wrong is behind. But deep inside, its the fallen pieces and parts of pain.
I want to be happy. Really.

~ Start a fresh ~

2007-07-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
Well, I am not very good at English but I always type my feelings out... A start of a new week that is.. Continued my projects in school.. Spend time with friends after school.. What do 'they' call it? Monday blues or something? Guess so for me I guess... Everyone around me seems stress. Phyllicias' stress over work. Cheryl's school starting (Means, can't really hang out). Louis also like stress stress. Sharron's been busy (I hope shes' fine because I really worry for her). Everyone is so stress... Well, thats life isn't it?
Hello? Is there like anyone there reading my blog?hehex.. I feel like I am just speaking to the wall... Worry is concern, concern is worry. But, there is always concern... so, worry there shall be. Showing concern for the ones you love is never easy. But as you know, like me and you.. we know love is a beautiful color that covers all darkness....
I am confused....

~ So thats the plan? ~

2007-07-14T22:56:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I felt so heart broken during mass... I felt really restless and I couldn't concentrate. I begged the lord to take the pain away. but unless I ask in a sincere way, he won't be able to help me. I feel so heavy inside. Like a ton of needles piercing through every bit of my heart. Have you felt this before?
I guess I treat friendship too seriously. I don't really stand out in clicks or groups. But, I always stick around. She doesn't know what I have done and I just feel that my spine is broken and can no longer carry my weight.
Forgive me father for I've sinned...

~ Say six to smile ~

2007-07-14T00:15:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I feel like pulling out my heart. I feel everything breaking apart inside. Whats the point of feeling this way? Its been so long already and yet, it seems impossible for me to forget it. I feel like driving myself into the wall. I feel so much pain. I feel breathless. Tell me what I should do? Now I know why 'they' say its difficult to forget someone you love.alot.

Whenever you like someone, you would always wish happiness for him/her no matter what. It will take a bomb to make her happy. It may take lots of time to make her happy. But the worse is you may do a thousand and one thing for her and she doesn't know about it. You'll feel like killing yourself but you just can't. Don't pity yourself or you will die of depression.

I argued with my mum again. She said that I should have gone for choir practise than celebrate to my friend's birthday. Anyways... cheryl is right, who reads this junk? Who to show it to?
I wish you will read it....

~ Its how much you mean to me ~

2007-07-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I know I am not that close to you. I know no matter how hard I reach out to you, theres always a road block. When you reject my smses and calls, I feel really lonely. Others play a part in my life, greatly. But still, its you that mean alot to me. I can't express the feelings in words I have for you. Am I like going through like what 'they' always say? suffering? Or isit me just torturing myself? My dad's going to court again. Again you know? And he doesn't seem to care a damn about it. My mother works day and night but somehow, somewhat... I always quarrel with her. I know she care and loves my brother more than me. I don't feel anyone loving me. I feel dead. I feel faithless. I feel sinful.
You may sing for the lord day and night 24/7 but if your heart is empty, you will suffer, greatly. When life is really at its down, it will be difficult to look up again. Remember those days that when you're out enjoying yourself with your friends? Somehow, you will still feel lonely inside. Because you know she isn't talking to you, She isn't caring for you, She isn't there saying; "I'll always be there for you".... Isn't that what I want? Tell me, why is it that I feel like that?
Burn in hell.

~ My first step on the moon ~

2007-07-04T21:37:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
I tremble when typing my daily wishes nowadays. Maybe because I can't seem to type anything out. Whatsmore, you never really understand what I am going through. Do you? I mean seriously, I may not be the worse around in this floor here but surely I mean something to you right? 'They' say worry is a sin. But without worry, nothing can be done. Its earth you know? We must face the reality. Its unlike heaven where there isn't pain, suffering, anger. Face it boy...

~ Sometimes ~

2007-06-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Right now, at this very moment, friendship to me is so important? I mean, who doesn't think friendship is important right? To me... I don't know and I can't seem to explain what it mean to me. This feeling... Is so, so close and 'bonded'. What will happen to us when we grow up? Not getting into Emo mood now but seriously... What will happen? And when we grow up, would we look back to the past? Like the times we went out? Sat together to have those small little chats? The times when to laughed at each other for saying something wrong?

Lets be life long friends?

At least we might remember the 'life long friendship'

~ A life time ~

~ One night in Singapore ~

2007-06-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Friendships does have its own anger, hatred and pain. But, friendship is there so that, one will never be alone.

Met up with Cheryl, Daryl and Louis yesterday. Well, we decided to spend the whole night in town. Can you imagine? We went to esplanade to raffles place, to don't know where... We walked from street to street like zombies. Policeman saw us though but didn't screen us. (Thank God)hahahax.... We 'Ton' through the whole night and went to Starbucks in the morning.

So much to say but so hard to explain. Sometimes, its best when said out with the mouth.hahahax...

Wonder when is the next time!!

~ She 'nos' you ~

2007-06-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

For what I see now... Is that this boy is coming to realize that its not about 'liking' her. Its about that true friendship that already exist, a long time ago. Well, thats life. Sometimes, even how much you do for someone, that person may never realize. But sometime, someday, somehow, true friendship will burst out. How to say? I don't know...

~ Flowers for you ~

~ The mirror image ~

2007-06-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,
In the vision of the boy, he saw the pictures. He captured it and stored it straight into his mind. Its gonna take some time to erase it again. The feelings of the boy for her is so strong that he felt so hurt after he saw the picture of her with her boyfriend. Well, this boy accept the fact that its a fact. But still, love is always painful. Ya, even after doing so much; he still suffers. What the point right?He just wants to tell her how much he really likes her. But, I guess its best to put it in the heart. Oh manx. This boy is so useless right? He really needs help.

Another person that this boy really cares for is her sister. Well, This boy just wants her sister to be happy. For his sister to be happy, he tried many ways to make her smile or laugh. This boy love his sister so much... Nothing can explain it.

~ Take your sweet time ~

2007-06-11T20:50:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

By the time the boy realized all he did came to nothing, his dead already. I guess his lost. He knows he has done his best. With mind, heart, strength and soul; what more could you ask for? You mean he don't deserve anything? Theres something about this boy. Just something that none can explain. Do you know what it is? Sorry, I can't tell you what it is because I am lost too...

~ Death at its angle ~

~ Some work their ass off, just to make you happy ~

2007-06-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Don't you know? Some can make you happy in just a few seconds but some work their ass off and yet nothing comes out good. Don't you consider their feelings? Don't you even think of how they feel? Is Heaven really blind to all these things? Don't tell me the world is unfair because I knew it a long time ago.... Well, this boy is so visible. His just right in front of you and yet you didn't bother about him. How isit possible that things work like that?

Define care to me for I do not know what it means anymore....

~ Even to the ones you love ~

~ What do you treat me as? ~

2007-06-03T00:12:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

So all this time, This boy is only a friend to you right? Just some, normal normal friend isn't it? After all that he had done, you just treat him as a friend? I mean, is that all that he meant to you? Isn't there anything more than just friends?

This boy cares so much for you. So bloody much. He does so much for you because he doesn't know what will happen in the future.

What will happen in the future? Thats why his doing so much. He doesn't want to lose her. You know know how much he is suffering....

~ His just a kid ~

2007-05-30T20:18:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

This boy wants to say something. Well.... He doesn't want to be tortured anymore. This boy likes her so much. I guess he likes her too much. He told her once that he likes her but.... Now? I guess he will just keep to himself. This boy doesn't deserve to be tortured like that, its just not fair. He doesn't know what to do.

She doesn't see why this boy does so much for her. You know why? Because he cares for her with all his heart. He does everything he can to make her happy. He knows his the fool sitting around. He knows. But he prays...

~ This is the boy ~

~ Time to catch up ~

2007-05-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

What a long week. What a tough week. I was suppose to go to a NAVY open house organised by the school on Friday. I just didn't bothered to go. I spent my morning and early afternoon at my Grandma's place. I find it more worth it. Lets just see what excuse I can give to my teacher when I go to school on Monday.

*The boy is happy. Its the truth, he is happy. But whether or not he has the courage to stay that way, I don't know. Maybe because he did too much or like what everyone says, over do it. Seriously, I think he suffered enough; but it still goes on.

~ The devil ~

~ Have mercy on my heart ~

2007-05-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Its just a small part that this boy has in her life. Just a small tiny one. He is so tried now. He is so restless. Life has to go on. He leads his normal life. He feels so uncomfortable without her care. Maybe in the first place, he doesn't mean much to her right? Maybe.... Maybe its true.

~ Meow ~

~ Let it go ~

2007-05-16T20:28:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

This boy has to let it go. He needs the support. He needs that 'love'. But I think its not his time yet. He still likes her alot. He still cares for her and he can't seem to forget about her. Its his fault, its his problem. He feels restless because of the nights. He has to let it go to be happy again. He can't, because he cares.

~ Cold ~

~Restless~

2007-05-15T20:43:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

This boy needs to be feed. He feels useless. He feels that he is worthless. He feels that it doesn't make a difference even if his in this world. He feels lost. He feels no love. He feels no care. He feels anger. He feels hatred. He knows his stuffes. He knows his problem. He knows his in deep trouble. He knows if this goes on, he'll die. With the devil behide his back and without his angel at his side, he is sure to turn bad. Or is he already? Watch out and don't fall. With one wrong step leads the devil near...

~ Theres' always a devil behide ~

~ You don't say ~

2007-05-14T20:24:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Its ok if you don't appreciate what I did for you because once the sun goes down, I die. But how can it be? I just don't understand it. Maybe its because I am desperate? I don't know. But care and support is needed. Without it,

love becomes hate.

hate becomes cries.

Cries becomes hurt.

Hurt becomes Death.

I don't know....

~ How I want.... ~

2007-05-10T21:51:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

How I want for a broken family than a peaceful one. How I want for hate than love. How I want for cries than laughter. How I want for black than white. How are I want for pain than rest. How I want for chaos than peace. How I want for sin than pure in heart. How I want for greed than being generous.

I was brought up this way.... You cannot blame me for it. But theres' something that I still think of. How I want for god than the devil...

~ Wanted ~

~ With health and in times of sickness ~

2007-05-08T22:15:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

When you are sick, you would always hope that your loved ones will be there for you isn't it? Hope that he/she be there with you every minute and second of it. Hope doesn't want that right? But sometimes, if you don't say; he/she doesn't know about it. And so, life goes on with no information revealed. Shit, I am so sick...

~ Care-free ~

~ Start the ball rolling ~

2007-05-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

A new week is just about to start... Well, in a few hours time that is. Projects, competition and studies will start in a formal starting from tomorrow. I better get my projects done first because if I don't, I will really fall behide time. ~~~

I am still thinking of how to go through this coming week. I also don't know what things will happen. How? How? How? And bloody hell, my throats' been hurting alot. Must be too much of the MacDonald's'....

Haix, still thinking.... Still thinking...

~ Kiss ~

~ Pray abit, hang in there ~

2007-05-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Somethings are just kept inside without letting others know, even to our loved ones. Why, you might ask? Burden? Hate? Anger? Stress? Pressure? What if you really want to share but you don't have anyone to share with? You'll start to pity yourself that you are no good, not fit, not smart enough compare to others. Why torture yourself?

Whenever I see a happy family eating outside, I feel the hate. Than where am I? Eating with my friends, not my family. Maybe thats when friends come in, when your family is broken. ^^

~ Pray, abit ~

~ Not enough ~

2007-05-05T00:17:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Its all about love isn't it? I have been trying, very hard. To be a good son, a good brother, a good friend, a good buddy and good to my love ones. Seriously, I am speechless. This feeling of distraction. This feeling of hurt. What do I get? Maybe I brought it to myself. Come to think of it, I can't seem to forget ya. I know it sounds stupid.

I did my prayers until I have no faith anymore, well; for the inside that is. I seem strong at the outside but in the inside? Its not easy when you are not loved, even though its just the weight of the world. You can't carry it all by yourself can you?

~ Smile ~

~ Projects ~

2007-05-03T16:49:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Finally, got abit of time to update blog.

Saw the Section Head in school today. Well, you must be thinking; "Ok what, whats wrong?"

Hahahax.... I always run when I see the section heads in school because of my hair! Even though I hide my hair behide my ear I don't know howcome the section heads still can spot it. They got owl eyes is it?

Anyways, Projects have been given to us these few weeks. 3 in total. Plus my floorball compeition starts next week! How siax? Tough, tough... And I havn't visit my Grandmother for 2 weeks already. I am such a bad boy. ><

~ Wanted ~

~ May the god lord bless ~

2007-05-01T20:48:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Hahax... Time for a change for blogskin. How is it? The previous one abit emo and the HTML was very laggy so I decided to change to a more 'simple' one. ^^ So, a change of blogskin means a change of typing for my entries. I'll try not to be so negative or Emo this time round ya?

Tomorrow's start of school again... Is like what everyone says, sianx de lorx!

Things at home ain't as it seems. Its so empty and so.... negative like that. Its all about money that causes the problem. May the good lord bless my family ^^

~ Negative stress ~

2007-04-25T20:13:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Sometings can never be explained, everyone knows about this. But, you can never hold this anger forever. Because if you do, you will burst like a balloon. Either violence comes in or tears. This is life and one must face it. There will be one thing, he will keep pushing himself to the limit. Till now day, you know what happens.

~ you believe? ~

~ Its just the weight of the world ~

2007-04-17T20:40:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Don't give up, its just the weight of the world. Thats why your heart is so heavy... Don't you feel it? Break the rope thats holding the load. Whether or not its depression and sadness. We're still loved by those around you. Its how you look at it. Add a little colour to your life. Not everything is about black and white you know? :)

~ Go straight ~

~ Into games? ~

2007-04-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Defence, Attack, Guard, Kill and OWN.... Kind huh? That all these can't be done in real life but in computer games. Thing is.... Don't let anger control you through the games. Or else, you will start shouting F all the way... hahax... Come lets play a game and leave everything behide.

~ Start Hunting ~

~ Faith ~

2007-04-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

For those who know. Knows that each day, we walk by faith. Without faith, all hope will be lost. Than that day, it rained and I fell. It was a hard fall and I nearly gave it all up. It wasn't just that day but the past. 'They' always say don't think of the past and start looking forward. Come to think of it, its the past that makes the character stronger. Than there was once I almost had an accident while cycling, its not about the accident.... Its about, "What if it really happened?"... Thats life. ^_^

~ you are loved ~

~ Cannot forget ~

2007-04-10T21:56:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Maybe the love for you I have is not a brother sister one. Maybe its more than that. So, its true that you never gave a thought for me at all. Even when I was down at the lowest point, you didn't really cared or bothered to ask what happened to me. I am that far from you isn't it? I gave up already for you. So, I am just a substitute to everything? Is that the fact? I couldn't sleep last night because all I thought was pain and pain.... This type of feeling, is the worse.

~ I wrote everything here ~

~ Nevermind ~

2007-04-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

I don't know what to do. Maybe my soul is dead long ago. Maybe its what I must face in life to make me a stronger person in the inside. I keep telling myself, "I am not worth for her". "I am nothing to her" ; so that I can forget this 'like' thing. I wish I can write a message to god. Though he knows what I am facing and all that. But, I want to let him know personally that what I am facing right now in life; its really torturing. I don't want to be lost. I don't want to be that lost sheep. My heart is so empty...

~ Empty ~

~ Wait for the lord ~

2007-04-06T01:23:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Since young, I have always believed that the world was never fair. Believed that no matter how hard I try to 'move' someone, it always seem impossible. I sacrifice my time doing things for people I care. Its not about the 'doing things', its the love I put into it. I feel so hurt. No wonder I always think of death. No one seems to know what I went through. I am really going through a tough time. I don't want to end up nowhere...

~ Love ~

~ Family, get it? ~

2007-04-04T20:20:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Ever wonder what this word 'Family' really mean? Well, whenever people talks about family. Joy, love, care always comes into the mind. But than again, theres also hatred or anger that comes in too. Well, in a informal way of it, it actually means; "Father And Mother, I Love You". See what I mean? *Complicated....

~ ya ~

~ Come on, don't give up ~

2007-04-01T20:33:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

My heart tells me to give up on all hope. My mind tells me theres no point going on. But than, my feeling tells me to settle down because its all in the rush. The rush through my blood vessels. Is it all worth it to just give up now? I am jealous, thats one thing... I've been through all these things already, its really time I stop. You must know how I am feeling...

~ Cries ~

~ You found someone ~

2007-03-28T20:24:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

You believe you found someone that you love and could picture being with him everyday. But then people start telling you that you don’t know what love is and that you're losing him, fast... So you told me how much love you had for him and that you can't lose him... It seems to me that you are counting the number of stars in the sky all by yourself. It’s impossible. I know I am not the best, that I am always not around when you needed me. But you see: *There aren’t enough days, weeks, months, or even years in a life time for me to express to you how much you mean to me....

~ It links ~

~ I feel that something is missing ~

2007-03-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

Dearest Diary,

Um.... I know I didn't sing well as expected. But, theres one thing that I am sure about; that is I sang with my heart and voice for the lord. However, I didn't perform my best. From the way I see it, no one seemed to be worried for me. Its like, I didn't even worry for myself as well. I was suppose to be nervous right? But, it didn't happen. I don't know. How did I do?

~ I did pray ~